Sex addiction is a running away from feelings

Although the roots of sex addiction are in childhood, it is actively promoted through popular culture.  In general, addictions appear as the unhealthy pursuit of pleasure in order to avoid pain, and as such all addiction is a “disease” of feeling.  In avoiding pain we are in a defended state, avoiding our very selves and creating a wall that prohibits us from being fully present for our families, friends, and most importantly, as our very selves.  Shame and anxiety work to maintain the line of defense.

Sex addiction is promoted in our pop culture

We are emotional-sexual beings.  We develop our notions of self-worth, both positive and negative, based on our emotional development in early childhood.  We are taught both directly and indirectly by our parents and significant others how to deal with feelings such as fear, sorrow, and anger.  In the case of dysfunctional relationships, which are the catalyst for addictive patterns, challenging feelings are treated as threatening and something to be avoided at all cost.  We were not taught how to relax, accept, and freely feel whatever arises without injecting a sense of threat and loss of love.  We instead learn that love is always on the line.

The Heart of Addictive Sexual Behavior

When we enter puberty, the sexual component is added to our already dysfunctional relationship with love and intimacy.   Our intense need for love is integrated into the sexual dimension and sexual stimulation is now deemed the vehicle by which to receive love.  The emotional is tied directly to the physical.  Thus the emotional-sexual being is created and the always out-of-reach pursuit of love ensues. The “pursuit of love” theme permeates all aspects of our culture from fashion and design to advertising, film, and countless television series.

When we suppress challenging feelings, we never discover that learning to freely feel even the most intense emotions open the door to the nurturing force of love itself, and it is the loveless, threatened state of mind that lies at the heart of addictive sexual behavior and addictive living in general.

Sex and Porn Addiction is Treatable

Sex and porn addiction is treatable. When we allow the nurturing force of love in ourselves, and not just through a loved one, we begin to have the capacity to appropriately discipline ourselves and contend with dangerous or hurtful temptations. But if we allow anxiety or the rush of adrenalin to drive us, we are not at peace, and, subsequently, we are vulnerable to our temptations. But in truth, all emotions are only momentarily arising energies, each experienced differently, but inherently only benign – unless we react, suppress , or avoid them.  In our reactivity we create suffering. This is dis-ease.  In our embrace of all feeling we find happiness. This is health and well-being.

These deeply ingrained patterns of seeking pleasure to avoid feeling can be transcended. Using a cognitive-behavioral and holistic approach, our therapists teach clients how to embrace rather than react to their long-suppressed feelings, thus opening to an entirely new way of relating to ourselves and to life.